Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
