you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
