DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
