i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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