when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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