They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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