47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
