I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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