The maid of honor just puked.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
