Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
