I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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