just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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