Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
