Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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