Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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