I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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