omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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