so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
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hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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