reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm at about main and main street
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
