My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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