I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I touched a dick in church today
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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