I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
