I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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