tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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