Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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