I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
