Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
