If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
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