My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I sprained my soul last night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
