so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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