Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
