She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
