hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
