Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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