he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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