i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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