My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
