First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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