She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
