Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sorry about my life...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
