I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize