The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
