I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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