Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
