you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
