I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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