my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
