the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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