that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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