Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
