Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
