I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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