yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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