I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
