she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
