Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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