I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
