ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
