she looked like the before picture.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
