don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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