ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
