shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
