Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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