8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
