I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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