some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize