When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
