I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize