that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
