Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
