this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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