he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
