WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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