Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
