the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
