Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
