I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
