I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
