I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Drake has all the answers
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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