You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
